I think we've hit the cumulative sweet spot of my Cheat Code Central writing at this point, dear readers. It's not unusual that I say we're going to enjoy a topic of the more “naughty” nature, but today I get to speak even more plainly than ever before. And about something that we haven't really covered quite yet. Today we're actually talking about penises, balls, and buttholes. So strap yourself in, and we'll get this show on the road!
While that intro might have been all well, good, and meta to boot, let me be a little more clear. Today we're discussing a game called Genital Jousting for Windows PC users. It was developed by a company called Free Lives and published by the much better known Devolver Digital. It's a game where players take on the role of an ever floppy penis with attached balls and an anus somewhere in between just for fun. These generally flop around the screen, leaving trails of mystery liquid while they attempt to ram their head into competitors buttholes. Sometimes, the flaccid phalluses even play games like sportsball and wrestling, as well as wear costumes like a hula skirt or policeman's uniform. There's even a single-player story mode, for those more interested in the slightly serious side of the life as a schlong.
I'm not here just to describe the already fantastically quirky and bizarre set-up of Genital Jousting to you, although it's pretty amazing. We're going to talk about something a little even more unbelievable. Not only is Genital Jousting a first of its kind in every way already, it also became the first game to live stream on a Steam game page. January 18, 2018 was the stream seen around the world, or at least to 350,000 viewers by broadcast's close. Valve had already been working on setting up a live streaming system on their Steam platform, but through a weird twist of fate, Genital Jousting became the guinea pig for that system.
I should clarify that Genital Jousting was banned from Twitch. The reasoning behind the ban is probably already obvious enough, but to make sure we're all on the same page, it was banned for sexual and adult content. I.e. a bunch of dicks flopping around with anatomically correct heads and the action of butt sex are both adult and not safe for Twitch. I don't think there's really any debating this, and even co-founder of Devolver Digital, Nigel Lowrie, agrees. He essentially said that the ban “is what it is” and there's nothing to be done about it. Free Lives and Devolver Digital will not be changing the game, and Twitch has to stand by their rules. Lowrie didn't want to give up on finding a way to stream Genital Jousting however.
This led to a bunch of different inquiries with Steam that ended in Genital Jousting becoming the first title on the platform to run a live stream directly on the game's page. Of course, it made it very easy for viewers to find, as well as purchase, the game if they liked it enough. This option to live stream on store pages will of course be a huge boon for indie developers. They'll be able to directly show off their game and fans of the stream won't have to go far to buy it to enjoy themselves. Strange to think that a game about limp, wet willies was going to set the stage for other indie developers, though.
It really just goes to show you that if you keep an open mind, great things can happen. Genital Jousting is a silly game, just like the very body parts that inspired it. We shouldn't be ashamed and wanting to hide something that everyone has. Genitals are just a fact of life, and clearly if we embrace them, we can make cool things happen. The source of Steam's livestream feature will never be forgotten at this point. 'Cause what's more memorable than a bunch of adorably dressed little peckers?