So, well, I hate to bring this up, but… I noticed you’re here reading this article and not playing Goat Simulator . Now, I don’t mean to pry, but why? I mean, the goat shall inherit the Earth, and if you aren’t playing along with the rest of us, you’re going to be left out. You don’t want to be the only one not having a good time, do you?
Do you hate fun? Is that it? Because nobody likes a fun-hater. Frankly, I can’t see anyone not having the time of their (virtual) life with Goat Simulator . It’s a big old sandbox with plenty of elements to explore. There are people to headbutt. Cars need licking. Hey! We haven’t bleated at that grill! If there’s an object or person in Goat Simulator , there’s a good chance you can interact with it. And, while part of the joy comes from finding out exactly what you can do, how the goat looks while doing it is equally important. I dare someone to make the goat climb a ladder without smiling. It’s physically impossible.
Perhaps you’re just afraid it will get old? Maybe you’ll see and do everything, run out of missions to accomplish, and don’t think you’ll care about boosting both the Goat Simulator score and the in-game Flappy Goat score. Well, put aside that fear and don’t let it keep you from playing, because Steam Workshop support is there. People are working on new maps to explore, cosmetic alterations to the goat, and more. Sure, the community is small now, but there’s potential there. Which is why you need to be here.
Especially if you’re the kind of person who’s in it for the achievements. There are 21, and you will definitely need some kind of guide to find all of them. Sure, some are all about experimentation. Eventually, you’ll join the “Mile High Club” by licking that hang glider, and you might even find the Sanctum objects without any assistance. But mark my words, if you want to do it all, you’ll eventually have to seek outside help. There’s just too much to do.
The only thing I can think might hold you back is the price. Is $9.99 really too much for you? Especially when it’s going to Coffee Stain Studios, an independent developer? I mean, dude. Come on. I just told you about the achievements, and that isn’t even getting into all the missions and mini-games. There’s a lot to do here and, hopefully, it will only get better. Now, after a while, you might not play it as much as you did when Goat Simulator was shiny and new, but it’s about the experience. Trust me when I say this will take you away from it all and make you forget about anything troubling you when you’re trying to make that goat soar through the sky.
Really, the only acceptable argument against a Goat Simulator experience is a fear of goats. Were you traumatized by a goat as a child? Because I’m sure that’s a thing that does probably happen. If so, then this could be empowering. Perhaps even a therapeutic step forward. Don’t let the goats get you down. Be one with the goat! Get inside of its head. Then, if a goat related emergency occurs, you’ll know what it’s thinking and be able to react accordingly.
Because really, any argument you have is invalid. Goat Simulator is a game for one and all. No matter what kind of gaming experience you have, you can and should be playing it. Even if you find yourself constantly drawn to more serious and dramatic experiences, Goat Simulator will give you a chance to just have fun with a game and the joy that comes from exploration and experimentation. There’s a reason why it’s getting so much attention and acclaim. Despite being a purely frivolous romp, it’s bringing joy to pretty much anyone who plays it.
Sure, most people who talk about Goat Simulator joke about it being Game of the Year material. More often, it’s said to be the GOATY. While that is in jest, you have to wonder if there’s something more to it than that. After all, it’s making so many people happy, and people are clocking hours of gameplay. Granted, it can’t stand among the AAA greats, but maybe, in its own way, it does deserve some kind of GOTY accolade.
Whew. I’m glad we went and got all of that out of the way. It really cleared the air, don’t you think? Now, let’s both of us go and celebrate with a nice round of Goat Simulator .