I love bad games—I mean, truly horrible games. Sometimes this applies to the ones where they just don't work, but in a hilarious way that makes outlandish glitches possible. Mostly, it applies to games with the Worst Scripts Ever. You know, games such as IBIYA - Adventure escape horror.
IBIYA is surely a special kind of treasure. Like, if there was a hall of fame for terrible games, IBIYA would surely be indicted in an elaborate ceremony the moment it hit Google Play on September 2, 2013. I knew I had to own and experience this treasure from the moment I saw the Google Play product listing screenshot, and then chronicle my experiences for all of you.
IBIYA is one of those "escape the room" kinds of survival horror games. An unnamed girl, with one facial expression and tank-like movement, wakes up in a dingy room. Naturally, she wants to spend as little time as possible there because that's the whole point of the game. I'm sure there's a market for a game of this ilk where the hero or heroine decides to turn the dungeon into a den of isolation, but this isn't it.
A quick examination of the girl's room in IBIYA immediately reveals that the "mood is bad because it was sleeping in a messy bed." Which, again, is only natural. There's no way any mood could be good after it took a nap in filth. A cursory look around also reveals that she is Garam, a Private Educational Institute student in a cookery class. Garam’s a lovely name for a girl or boy, and I'd like to think that her parents were loosely inspired by their love of Garak the tailor from Deep Space 9.
Garam is then left to explore her new digs, which is pretty cumbersome. She can turn left, turn right, and walk forward. Tapping the screen picks up inventory items, but from what I've seen, she can only hold one item at a time, be it nail clippers, her ID, or a broom. Each item can be used once, usually to acquire another item, and then disappears into the ether.
But that's not where IBIYA shines. It isn't the gameplay that makes this particular game so horrible it's awesome. Though, admittedly, I was stumped for about 15 minutes trying to find a hammer. Even now, I'm flummoxed as to how it appeared. It was an act of an in-game god, frustrated by my deciding to make poor Garam float on air next to the Silent Hill rabbit.
No, IBIYA is glorious for its wretched abuse of the English language. It's all about the translation. It's a thing of beauty, you guys. You have to experience it to truly appreciate it, but it's best described as someone running the text through Google Translate to create the English version while also having some imaginary "Yoda" setting turned on. I've got quite a few favorite quotes; some of which I'd like to share with you now.
One of my favorites is, "There's something under the bed, but not out of reach." Except it is, and you have to acquire the broom to get it. At which point, IBIYA asks, "Do you let through with a broom under the bed?"
Those aren't the only quality snippets, though. Here are some other ones:
"It is a driver that is stored in a clean state."
"From the body does not feel alive..."
"The boiler is left without work."
"This elongated table, whether a broken leg on what grounds?"
One of my favorite parts, however, is the sphygmomanometer. It's just a special moment. The fact that there even is a blood-tester machine present in IBIYA is a huge surprise, but the game’s use of the technical term for it calls for a slow clap.
Clearly, IBIYA is a piece of work. Though, I must admit, it can occasionally be scary. It's usually unintentionally frightening, though. The ghost is nothing to be feared. It looks too much like a child version of Alpha-152 from Dead or Alive. It's only unintentionally scary. The character models are downright frightful, and if the sound is up, you may get an occasional sound scare. Clearly, the "horror" aspect of IBIYA - Adventure escape horror is understated.
I know I'm not the only video game masochist out there. Clearly, there are others that like playing games that other people would never, ever touch. If you're one of the proud, the few who play the unplayable games, then I urge you to look at IBIYA - Adventure escape horror. It could just be 2013's worst game of the year.